An Important Message to Church Members
Freehold, Iowa - Landover Baptist Church Members were officially alerted today that Pastor Deacon Fred remains in stable condition at Landover Baptist's Center for Creation Science Research.
Pastor Deacon Fred was hospitalized after a troubling incident during last Sunday's sermon which involved an audibly manifested gift of the Holy Spirit, thought by intelligent Baptists to have been dormant since the close of the Apostolic Age. Landover Baptist Church security officers rushed Pastor to the Landover Baptist Memorial Hospital so that doctors could perform an emergency all night prayer vigil and the laying on of hands.
Evidential clip: Portion of sermon in question (property of Landover Baptist Center for Creation Science Research until further notice).
Church Secretary, Ida Mae Denkins, reports that her phone has been ringing off the hook with calls from church members who witnessed Pastor's episode last Sunday. "They are extremely concerned about his condition, and that we might be going 'tongues,'" she stated. "Most of the folks calling in were there to witness first hand, what I consider to be the Holy Spirit of God Almighty at work through the sweet, precious lips of Pastor Deacon Fred." Mrs. Denkins further stated (off the record) that she can prove with secular scientific DNA evidence that Pastor has the gift of tongues.
Dr. Jonathan Edwards reports that his team of Creation Scientists will not stop investigating the incident until they find a way to make it fit into their theology. Church members are encouraged to pass the transcript and audio available through this public web-page to family members and friends in hopes that someone in our extended True Christian™ Baptist family has experienced such an event before and may offer some advice.
Please contact Dr. Edwards at the Landover Baptist Center for Creation Science Research if you have any information that may be of assistance. Thank You!
2 comments:
I believe that tongues are supernatural prayer languages given to some for God's fellowshipping pleasure and their own. However, stuff that looks the least bit like an article in the Enquirer tends to make it hard to get the issue taken seriously by the people who really need to take it seriously. I appreciate your efforts, and don't condemn them. But, you're right at that edge. Be really careful not to slip off into the sensational. Just because something is true, you can say it in such a way that makes people not believe the truth when they hear it. Just be careful, okay. In love.
Hi Carla... this particular story is a complete parody... satire. I would have made that clear except doing so would take away from the comedy of it.
Sorry to any confusion this may have caused. ;-)
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